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Stafford, VA 22555

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Stafford, VA 22554

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Pig in a Poke
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By Major Shawn Kimmitz
July 4, 2022

We are happy to report everything is swine. Deputy R.M. Connelly encountered a real road hog this morning, which he initially must have thought was a pigment of his imagination. This Fourth of July is proving to be anything but boaring!

At 6:40 a.m. Deputy Connelly got a sowprise when he discovered a pig in the road while conducting a traffic stop on U.S. 1 near Hospital Center Boulevard. Yogi Berra once said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Deputy Connelly adjusted that saying to, “When you come to a pork in the road, catch it!”

With the colla”boar”ation of Deputy Connelly and several Good Samaritans, total mayham was avoided. There were sow many ways for this to go badly, but no one pulled a hamstring. The group realized it was snout or never and used dog food to hambush the pig.

During interrogation, the pig initially identified as Harry Porker and said he was headed to Hogwarts. This was found to be a case of im”porcine”ation. He was finally identified as Chris P. Bacon and was headed to the movies for a double feature of Jurassic Pork and Pretty in Pink. We believe this story might be hogwash since the Aquia Town Center movie theater was closed a long time ago.

Thank you Deputy Connelly and the helpful citizens for making sure this piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home (or at least to the Stafford County Animal Shelter until his owner can pick him up).


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